I am so excited you are here. I struggled for years trying to grasp what love means, energy highs and lows and feeling totally trapped by my fears, my job and my body image.
I had a nervous breakdown in 2010 and went through some major self-development to work through my childhood traumas....here's a quickie of the events I sifted through to be the woman I am today:
- One of my first memories is of my Dad and maternal Grandmother in a physical altercation.
- My parents divorced when I was three years old.
- My Mom had a stalker when I was nine years old.
- I had crazy recurring nightmares because of him (stalker).
- He (stalker) had my cat stolen and tortured by a friend while he was in prison.
- I broke ties with my Dad at eleven years old and then had an off/on relationship with him for from nearly 18yo-present. (we are off right now)
I was living with a terminally ill Step-Grandmother at the time of my nervous breakdown. I worked morning, afternoon and evening at the gym as a trainer. I worked out up to three-hours per day to get ready for a bikini competition. I was on an incredibly low-calorie, low-carbohydrate, low-fat diet. And to boot I was in a toxic long-distance relationship.
I broke down.
I slept for about a week solid. I stayed at my brother and sister-in-law's house for a month and then, I got my own place.
I took 6-months to:
- Mourn my pitiful situation.
- Take up cognitive behavioral therapy.
- Work as little as possible.
- See my family as little as possible (since I had to heal childhood stuff).
- Play as much as possible.
- Eat whatever I wanted.
- Strength train 3x/week.
- Re-program my subconscious mind with positive affirmations.
So, I feel you. When I say I understand it's because I truly know what it feels like to be in the gutter looking up thinking, "How will I ever get out of this."
But you know what???
Looking UP is the first step!
I felt worthless, like a loser. I felt broken and helpless. I wasn't. I know that now. Neither are you. No matter what it is that you are going through or what you have put yourself through, it's time to make a change!
Continue looking up, have faith! Love yourself and let me love you!