I know how you feel!
Stuck, tired, like nothing is working and everything is an uphill battle. You're frustrated with the people around you and the constant barrage of insults you say to yourself is endless.
Not just that, you think about everything that can go wrong all the time. Sometimes it's paralyzing. Sometimes you just sleep it off for hours at a time.
You'll get a wave of inspiration; hit the gym, pack plastic containers full of rice, broccoli and chicken, try to let things "roll of your back," but just one thing you don't like sets you in a tailspin of overeating, staying in bed and being the biggest B!tch to your family.
☝🏽☝🏽☝🏽 That was me. All the time.
Where It All Starts
We all learn how to act, what to think and who to believe based on the people we grew up with; our parents, siblings, extended family members, teachers and friends.
For most of us though, our beliefs about who we are truly start with our parents. In fact, we pick up beliefs, energetically of course, while we are still in utero!
I grew up thinking all children faced a trauma or abuse at some point in their childhood! Not even joking with you. My mom had a stalker who not only did some crazy low-level harassment stuff, but poured gasoline around our house, tried to kill my mom and, while he was in jail, had my cat tortured.
I thought having money made you an asshole! My dad was charming and loving when he had it and absolutely miserable when he didn't.
I thought I never had enough money, but always overspent on credit cards because my mom would say, "I don't have enough money," but would indulge in the Macy's Super Saturday Sale!
How I Acted Based On My Beliefs
I abused laxatives and psyllium husks to poop out all the junk I binged on and fill my stomach to avoid eating because I thought I was fat and being fat meant I wasn't worth a dime.
I tried to make people happy by overextending myself to the point of emotional exhaustion because I was expecting that by me doing for them, they'd love me and when they didn't show me the love I wanted to feel all hell broke loose and I'd lash out. 😤
Essentially, I grew up thinking life was hard, money wasn't abundant and if you had it you were greedy and I'd never be good enough if my body wasn't super sexy or I wasn't perfect. I was passive aggressive, angry, depressed and skinny-fat.
Finally, in 2010 all my destructive thinking patterns came to a massive combustion when I had a mental break down.
I went to several therapists, was diagnosed with anxiety and PTSD, you read the part about my mom's stalker, right? I used fluoxetine, which is generic for prozac for about 8 months.
Up until I needed an antidepressant I thought it was a cheat of dealing with everyday life. When the doctor I saw in my worst moment suggested I use them to detach from the traumas I'd experienced so I could actually deal with my emotions and sift through my thoughts, I prescribed!
I used the medicine for roughly eight months. I had a gut feeling that was validated in group therapy that if we don't control our thoughts and choose happiness, the medicine won't work.
We'll need a stronger prescription. The first time I attempted to wean off the medication I felt helpless and I cried almost all the time. So, I went back on and around month eight I was off fluoxetine.
It wasn't that I was embarrassed to use the medication, it was that I felt I'd keep needing more and more or different medicines altogether if I didn't get my "mind right" once and for all. And too, when we stop taking them abruptly our thoughts, emotions and brain chemicals go haywire. I didn't want to ever be in a position where if I went out of town and left my 'script at home I'd fall apart.
(I am actually an advocate of getting the help you need when you need it. I used fluoxetine again about six months after my gym closed. I used it for about six weeks as I just needed a little boost to focus and not be so overwhelmed with debt, low funds and depression.)
...And The Damage From My Eating Disorder
In addition to this initial
breakdown awakening in 2010 I also had to deal with the damage I had done to my body through years of an eating disorder.
Many eating disorders occur because we have the craving to inflict pain on ourselves to match the emotional pain.
Mine was no different.
When I stopped abusing laxatives and psyllium husks my bowels didn't move for three days.
When I finally did have a BM I got several internal and external hemorrhoids. I struggled for months before finally having hemorrhoidectomy surgery. The suffering didn't end there though, for a solid twelve months I had to eat food based on how easily I thought it would digest, meaning - "will this hurt coming out?"
More on the exact steps I took to end my eating disorder here. (link to article coming soon)
Let's skip to the next
breakdown awakening. It was after my gym closed in February 2015. Just one week after I went to a live event with Rod Hairston of Growth-U.
⭐️ It was through Growth-U that I learned I was the sum of my thinking patterns.
⭐️ It was through Growth-U that I realized all the self-development I had done up until then was awesome, but now I knew why I would backslide.
⭐️ It was through Growth-U that I was able to release my old, long-winded story that didn't serve my highest good anymore.
⭐️ It was through Growth-U that I was able to paint a new vision of myself and practice specific daily conditioning exercises to bring this new vision to life.
⭐️ It was through Growth-U that I was so far removed from my pain I was receptive to the Universe/God/Universal Mind/Universal Love give me the idea to start Love is a Verb podcast.
Can you tell how grateful I am to Growth-U?! 🙏🏽😂
How My Experience Will Help You
I'm really excited that I finally have all the components to help you make a transformation in your life, just like I did in mine!
I can help you focus on one of the three areas required for transformation; mindset, nutrition and fitness either one on one or in a group setting - or if you prefer, we can simultaneous create change in all three areas.
Both approaches work, just depends on what you can handle and how much daily conditioning you want to put in.
You can browse the options below. Basically what happens is we take a look at where you are now, where you want to go and then create