368: Little Bitch Series: The Pretender and how she keeps you feeling small and eating BIG

Being a little bitch takes time. Being a little bitch is a compilation of really crappy thinking patterns that to your unconscious mind, serve a really good purpose – to keep you just as you are. The only problem is that our conscious mind, or the part of your mind that makes decisions wants to grow. Our mind is literally a battle zone every single day. (For in-depth instruction go to http://www.laurenherrera.com/363)

Both minds want to be in charge.

At Growth-U we have 7 distinct operating systems or patterns our unconscious mind will run when it senses you’re changing or growing. It’s a sabotaging behavior we are unaware of or are aware of but don’t know how to stop. In this and the next 6 podcast episodes I’ll be sharing with you what the patterns are and how you can change them…

I’ll help you put your big girl panties on.

A Pretender doesn’t like who she is & doesn’t want other people to have to be around the awful person she thinks she is.


I’m just going to have to dive in here with both feet. This episode really surprised me because now, having grown so much and possessing the ability to observe my emotions most of the time, I see how I was running the pretender pattern for TWO YEARS when I had my gym. Nowadays I see Little Bitch patterns as little flare ups when I’m creating a new vision for myself and lasting only a few hours or days.

Before I recorded this episode I really had to reflect on the pattern of the Pretender and when I realized I ran it for such a long time my mind was blown. 20/20 vision is awesome because now I can have empathy for my former self and say, “Wow girl! You took on so much in a short amount of time. You had to live in a BRAND NEW IDENTITY without any preparation. OF COURSE you were in deception!”

So here’s the list of features in my new identity that I handled without any prep:

  • Open a boutique gym in Old Town Pasadena (60 miles from new home)
  • Get married
  • Become a step-mom
  • 50/50 custody of kids and schedule work around them
  • Live half the week at your mom’s to cut back on driving
  • Murder of a childhood friend
  • Break up with childhood friend (not mentioned on show)


I was afraid of who I was on the inside

I had a lot of unhappy feelings, I had a lot of anger and resentment towards others and myself. I had zero boundaries. Work was my escape from home and home was my escape from work. Nothing was INTERNALLY joyous to me, but I acted like I was happy. I was really miserable and I felt that if I voiced how I felt about being a step-mom people would judge me. I felt if I voiced I was scared shitless about being a business owner they’d think I was a fraud. Literally one woman knew my deep down secret thoughts…and a psychotherapist. I feared I was a narcissist so I had a few sessions with him! You can check him out -> https://stevenunruh.com

Do you dislike who you are?

The two of the six human emotional needs you’ll use to start liking yourself are GROWTH and self-love/self-esteem. Pour yourself into communities that support growth; like a weekly meditation class through your local community college, temple, church, personal development programs, books, etc.

Understand that LOVE IS A FORCE, it isn’t an emotion. Love is the creative power of the universe, just look at children who aren’t held. They don’t fully develop. They remain small in body and mind – they do not develop fully.

“But how could simply being in an orphanage kill a baby? Basically, they die from lack of love. When an infant falls below the threshold of physical affection needed to stimulate the production of growth hormone and the immune system, his body starts shutting down.

Research suggests a physiological pathway that produces this effect, which was first understood as “runt syndrome” in mammals. In litters of puppies and kittens — even in rats and mice — oftentimes one or two animals are significantly smaller than the rest.” Excerpt from How Orphanages Kill Babies 

When we know LOVE is a force, it’s easier to believe we are lovable

Self-love doesn’t mean you have to shower yourself with arbitrary compliments or be totally in love with all parts of your body, mind or life — we are human, ya know! It means that if we recognize the creative force of the universe not only created us but IS US, we can say, “just for this simple fact that I am LOVE, I will love myself. I cannot deny what I am.”

The staircase will reveal itself

To review, because if you’re anything like me self-love is a hard one to grasp do this to start liking who you are so you don’t have to pretend:

  • Cut yourself some slack, give yourself some grace. You may be living a life that formed itself without direction, so you actually don’t have a navigation system to direct you.
  • Proactively grow, seek help from a professional, read self-help books, listen to podcasts like this one and surround yourself with supportive people.
  • Love yourself because you are love. You don’t have to like EVERYTHING about yourself, but you can intellectually say, “I am made of love, therefore I am love,” and then…Law of Attraction will start bringing more positive, loving experiences to support your transformation.

…and then, you’ll

start eating like a boss!

Listen to the episode, share with your friends and let me know how it impacted you!

(This episode was a combination of Growth-U’s Cycle of Performance teaching model and my 18 yrs fitness experience)

More information on Growth-U, teaching models & $50 off Transform-U + free weekly group coaching with me: http://www.laurenherrera.com/growth-u



⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ R&R on iTunes and be entered to win a $50 amex gift card! Just send me a screenshot of your review!

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